Things Kids Say

Out of my 4 Little Byerlys there is 1 that is... witty.  Yes lets call it witty.  In fact, she often out wits her very witty parents and she is only 4.  Have you ever been out witted, out smarted, or out smart-assed by a 4 year old?  It is simultaneously infuriating and hilarious.  One of the downfalls of parenting this child though is that other adults are constantly smiling, giggling or turning around to laugh out loud at things this child says, often while I am trying to reprimand her for saying whatever it is she may have said.  It's impossible to discipline a child that knows they are wrong but cute.  Damn you laughing adults!  But I am also guilty of smiling, giggling and laughing so I can't really blame you.  Once my sister had noticed that not only she and my brother-in-law but SEVERAL of the adults around us were reacting to my little sweet peas sassy comments this way I decided that she was in fact funny and naturally fluent in sarcasm and that I wasn't just being bias and thinking that my kid was the orneriest and wittiest of all.  So, I started writing down some of the cute, witty, and outrageous things that my kid says.

1. While being naughty at dinner my brother-in-law told my sassy little Byerly to set down and eat or he was going to call me and tell on her.  Paige's response, "I will set down Uncle Chad but you are rotten."

2. While watching TV the word actuary is brought up.  My 14 year old asks what an actuary is.  Paige's responds with out missing a beat, "A business person who searches for tax exemptions."

3. After getting slime on the bed and the baby's blanket I take away and throw out the toy slime.  Paige tells me, "Without that slime you have really crushed my dreams.  You are the worst mother ever."

4. When pulling up at daycare she says to me, "Now Mom don't say no... can I take a toy with me?"

5. She is suppose to be cleaning her room and I ask her if she is finished so I can check it. "Yes mom. You are gonna be so proud of me.  I did such a great job cleaning but don't check my closet.  Its just too clean to look at." (It most definitely wasn't haha.)

6. She comes up to me crying.  I say, "What's wrong Paige?"  Paige tells me, "I fell over and now I am afraid of heights.  I don't want to be afraid of heights."  (She fell over from standing flat footed on the ground.)

7.  She calls grown-ups tall-ups.

8. She calls go carts co carriages.

9.  She calls goulash goulash.

10.  Everything happens yesterday or last year ago.  Those are the only 2 measurements of time for events of the past.  They are interchangeable and yet completely different but can have happened in any order.

11. While she, her older sisters and her cousin are receiving a stern talking to from her aunt: the other girls are hanging their heads in shame and quietly waiting for the lecture to end so they can apologize and promise to never do it again.  Paige on the other hand is bent forward with her hands are knees shaking her head and she looks up at my sister and says, "Ok ok ok.  Can you stop talking now?  Just go inside and shut the door."

12.   After exchanging valentines with her friends at daycare she sets in the middle of the living room floor sorting through all the goodies (while wearing a Cinderella dress-up dress).  After a few minutes she comes running into the kitchen smiling, waving something in the air frantically and shouting, "Look mom!  Look at what I got!  Look at this!  I got an eraser... on a STICK!" It was a pencil.

13.  After assembling a lunchables pizza (again while wearing a Cinderella dress-up dress) she stands up out of her chair fashions her hands in  Vanna White look what we have here pose and says, "Deep Deep Deep Dish Pizza, Yummmmm."

14.  While visiting Papa I go inside to use the restroom.  After a few seconds she asks Papa what is taking me so long and he says to her that maybe they should go check on me because I might have "fallen in".  She waves her hand dismissively and says, "She'll be fine.  That happens to me all the time."

15.  The brutal honesty of a 4 year old strikes again.  I am setting at my desk typing and she walks up to stand next to me.  She sweetly sets her chin on my shoulder and places a hand on either side of my right arm.  She then pats my arms and proclaims, "I just love the saggy way you are mom." Saggy? Thanks.

16.  Trying to spook her big sister she shouts, "There's a spider on you!"  The 14 year old having become wise to the ruse calmly says, "There is no spider on me Paige."  To which Paige responds, "There was a spider on you.  Maybe the spider went into your wiggy thing. (Making a disgusted face and gesturing towards Caity's hair)."

17.  Little miss sassy pants is walking around the kitchen /dining room counting.  When she reaches 29 She pauses in thought and then proceeds with 20-10, 20-11, 20-12 and so on through 20-19 and then 40.  Haha

18.  When digging up potatoes from the garden for dinner daddy and the biggest sister unearth a large chrysalis that is pulsing and moving- WEIRD.  Daddy hollers at me to come see their find.  He looks at it and then me and asks, "What the hell is that thing?"  Without missing a beat Paige says, "It's a chrysalis Daddy.  Caterpillars form them around themselves when they are ready to turn into butterflies or moths.  It won't hurt you silly.  We should keep it and watch the butterfly emerge."

I know there are many many more cute, sassy, and smart-assy things that this little peanut has shared with us over the past 4 years that I am forgetting and I am sure there are more of theses comments to come but these few give you a pretty good idea of what she is like.   I will ad to the list anything I can remember and everything adorably rotten that comes out of her mouth.  Thanks and have a great day!